Like We Never Loved At All
by sailor-tin-foil
Summary: I turned my head, just in time to see their lips connect. Just in time to feel my heart wrench. To feel it break and scatter upon the frosted grass around my heels. I froze, unable to look away. UPDATED!
1. The Yule Ball

Hey! I wrote this on a whim today after listening to Faith Hill's song _Like we never loved at all_. It's a songfic, my first ever. And it pretty much takes place during the 6th year. During Christmas, when times are simple.

DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN HARRY POTTER OR THE SONG LIKE WE NEVER LOVED AT ALL.

What's going on with me? It was only a fling, we both knew it...atleast, I knew it. Only a short-lived fling. No harm done. NO harm done. _No harm done..._No matter how many times I say that, though, I can't help but shudder. I was lying to myself...again. What's going on with me lately? I don't understand...

"Hermione? Hey, 'Mione, you even listening to me?" I snapped back to reality as Harry waved a hand in front of my face. I looked at him, unsure of what he was talking about, or even where I was. Stone walls, a little drafty, odd smells...Potions. I was spacing out in the middle of class!

"Sorry, Harry, what were you saying?" I asked, a little flustered at myself. He looked concerned for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, deciding that whatever was going on in my mind, it could wait until he was done speaking.

"I was asking if you've got a date for the Yule Ball yet?" I looked at him, cocking my head to the left slightly. Was he asking me? What about Ginny? They were still dating, weren't they? I opened my mouth, but closed it again at the conclusion that I had no response ready. So I settled on shaking my head. He grinned slyly and looked over his shoulder. I followed his gaze only to meet the intense gaze of none other than Seamus Finnigan. Ah. He wasn't asking for himself. Of course. I managed a weak smile and Seamus returned it with a very hopeful one. I didn't have a date for the Ball, though. I had thought of going with _him_, but it was over now, just a short-lived fling. _No harm done._ I thought, chancing a quick glance across the room to see him laughing with his friends. _No harm done._

"Well, I know someone who would very much like to escort you to said Ball, Hermione." said Harry, and I couldn't help but giggle at the faux formality in his voice. "There's that smile." I looked at him oddly, questioning the statement. He blushed slightly, but winked in a very charismatic way that only Harry could get away with and not be flirting. "It's just that...well, you've been a little spacy lately, 'Mione...is everything all right?" I met his eyes. The deep emerald peaking out of the mess of black hair. I should have known that no matter how much of an act I pulled, Harry would notice. He was, after all, my best friend.

"Everything's fine, Harry, really." I smiled, just to try and make my statement believable. _No harm done._ He smiled in response, apparently believing my false words.

"So...about Finnigan...?"

"Sure, why not." I said as I looked back over his shoulder and met Seamus's awaiting stare. I nodded my head just so he'd know that I had said yes. He looked ecstatic and turned back in his chair. I smiled slightly, wishing that I could be even half as excited.

"You sure you're okay?" Harry put his hand under my chin, lifting my face to look him in the eye. I was about to say "No...nothing's alright. Everything's gone to ruin...but no harm done..." just as Professor Snape turned his attention back to the class.

"POTTER, GRANGER! Pay attention! Ten points from Gryffindor...each." Harry and I snapped back into learning-mode, dropping our conversation quickly.

"Hermione! You look amazing!" squealed Ginny as I walked out of the Girl's Dormitory. I smiled at the red head's over excited response. My dress, I'll admit, was quite stunning. It was a deep shade of violet, hugging every curve and trimmed in silver. The front was a low V-neck, and the silver straps wrapped snuggly around my neck, exposing my shoulders and lower back. The purple material brushed the floor slightly in the front, and trailed a few inches behind me in the back. My hair (which had become less frizz and more curl over the last year) was only half pulled up, the rest of the curls draping my shoulders and collarbone gracefully.

"Thanks, Gin, you look beautiful," I added. Her light pink dress had thin straps and fit tightly around the waiste, billowing out to the floor in delicate ruffles. She grinned childishly before looping her arm in mine and dragging me out the portrait hole. Harry and Seamus were waiting for our arrival at the bottom of the staircase. Harry was the first to look, and I could have sworn his breath caught in his throat. I glanced to my left to see Ginny blushing furiously. They were so perfect. So innocently perfect. _No other care in the world..._I thought as Harry reached out and took her hand in his.

He planted a chaste kiss upon her lips before saying, "You look wonderful tonight, Gin." He looked in my direction, his eyes giving me the one-over before smiling broadly. "You look stunning, 'Mione." I smiled and blushed slightly as Seamus turned around at the sound of my name. His mouth dropped, and he looked me over graciously.

"Wow, Hermione. You look...wow." I giggled a little at his speechless response.

"Thank you, Seamus. You look nice, too." And he did. It could be said that Seamus Finnigan cleaned up well in a black tux. He offered me his arm and I took it as he began walking, leading me into the Great Hall. I took a breath, closed my eyes and prayed. _Here goes everything._

The Great Hall was simply amazing, taking my breath away at the sheer magical quality of it all. From the decked-out Christmas trees lining the walls, to the mist rising a foot or so above the dance floor. I briefly scanned the crowd of faces, searching in vain for a glimpse of him. He hadn't arrived yet.

"Would you care to dance, Hermione?" Asked Seamus. I looked at his outstretched hand, wondering if I should take it. I did, and he led me out into the middle of the dance floor. He wrapped an arm around my waiste. I wrapped an arm around his neck and he took the other hand in his free one. We began waltzing slowly. It was nice, the feeling of having a man's arms around me again...even if it wasn't nearly the same. At that moment, I looked to the grand entrance to the Hall. My breath caught. There he was. Standing there, his date hanging on his arm, talking to Blaise Zabini. He looked gorgeous in a black tux and black shirt underneath. It made his platinum blonde hair stand out even more.

_You never looked so good  
as you did last night,  
underneath the city lights,  
there walking with your friend,  
laughing at the moon._

"You okay, Hermione?" asked Seamus. I hadn't realized that I had stopped dancing. I didn't notice that the moment he walked through the door all I did was stare.

"Yea, I'm all right, I just need to get some air." I lied. I just needed to get away. Quickly. He smiled at me and asked if I wanted him to go. I shook my head slightly, only wanting to be alone. I walked away, in the direction of the main door. Maybe a short walk out in the garden would do me some good. As I walked, though, I had to pass by him. His head turned in my direction and my heart skipped a beat. On a crazy whim, I imagined that he may talk to me as I passed. But his grey eyes didn't collide with my chocolate brown ones, and he didn't even flinch as our shoulders barely brushed.

_I swear you looked right through me.  
But I'm still living with your goodbye,  
and you're just going on with your life._

I couldn't handle it. The moment I walked into the Entrance Hall, I began running. I didn't care if I almost tripped over my heels. If I fell, I couldn't possibly feel any worse than I did already. The fresh air was cold, stining my lungs as I gasped. I stopped shortly after I had made it down the stone steps.

_How can you just walk on by  
without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all._

_ Stupid, stupid Hermione! What were you thinking? You never should have said yes to Seamus! You should have just stayed in your room, tucked up under the covers, re-reading Hogwarts, A History! Stupid, Stupid!_ I thought as I made my way through the chilly air to find a bench placed among one of the dimly lit bushes. Most were occupied by snogging couples. I smiled grimly to myself as I imagined Ron and Lavender to be among them. But my thougths automatically took a turn for the worst as I heard a familiar laugh coming from behind me.

"Really, Pansy, that light blue suits you well." I ducked behind a rather tall bush just as Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson came around the corner, arm in arm. She giggled like a twit and grasped tighter to him.

"Oh, Draco..." she trailed off, falling for his charm.

"I mean it, Pansy, you look great tonight," I could barely surpress a laugh as he said it. He was lying through his teeth. I had known him well enough to realize that he was just puttin on the charm for a quick snog. Then it hit me, though. _A quick snog_...that means that he would be snogging that cow right here in front of me...and I couldn't move without being seen. Oh God, Oh God...what could I do??

"Let's sit here. Are you cold?" As they sat down on the bench directly in front of the bush I was hiding behind, he took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. I wanted to gag and die at the same time.

"Draco, you're so nice!" she went on, throwing herself at him. He smiled arrogantly, knowing that his tricks were working too easily. I couldn't take much more. It was getting harder to breath the longer I sat there.

_You, I hear you're doing fine.  
Seems like you're doing well  
as far as I can tell._

I turned away, trying to find anything that could capture my attention from the two sitting a few feet away. No matter how much I tried, though, I couldn't help but hear her giggle slightly, knowing that he had to be leaning in for the kill. It had only been a few days! How could that bastard move on so quickly?! Really, how?! I'd love to know...

_Time is leaving us behind,  
(time – leaving us behind)  
another week has passed  
and still I haven't laughed yet.  
So tell me, what your secret is  
(I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know)  
to letting go, letting go like you did,  
like you did._

I turned my head, just in time to see their lips connect. Just in time to feel my heart wrench. To feel it break and scatter upon the frosted grass around my heels. I froze, unable to look away. My eyes widening with disbelief and pain. The pain I had been trying to subdue for days now. I bit my lip hard, trying to surpress a sob that was fighting it's way through my throat. I couldn't sob, I couldn't make any noise without being seen. Without being discovered. After only a few moments, though, they broke apart. He stood, and she followed, a little confused.

"We should be heading back inside, Pansy dear, before we're greatly missed." he mummbled, and I could tell that the kiss hadn't been as great as he had hoped. It almost made me feel well enough to stand, but then he took her hand in his. The hand that I had been so used to lacing my fingers through. His long fingers that ran through my hair as we sat beneath the willow under the shield of darkness. I could feel the tears then, trailing silently down my cheeks.

I couldn't take sitting there anymore, the moment their backs were turned, I stood and silently made my way around the bush, coming up a few feet behind me. I wiped the tears from my cheeks before he could turn back around. My hand had just dropped back to my side as his handsome face turned to look over his shoulder. I could see the slight surprise in his eyes as he noticed me. The faint glimmer as they roaved over me, appraising me once again. I was about to say something, or just run, as Pansy turned to see what had caught her precious date's attention.

She grimaced at the recognition. Pulling him closer she said, "Why, Granger, fancy seeing you out here. You look...nice...why are you alone?" With the simple question, I could feel my defenses breaching, my walls crumbling down as his stare penetrated through me, his eyes becoming hollow once again. "Yea, Granger, you stalking me now?" he sneered, and Pansy laughed. I almost crumpled to the stone pathway at his words.

_How can you just walk on by  
without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all._

"I...I was..." I couldn't think of anything to say. There was nowhere for me to run or hide. My heart was being brutally shred apart and I could do nothing but stammer.

"Hermione? Hermione? There you are! I was looking for you!" said Seamus as he turned the corner to find us. With one look at the scene in front of him, and the state I was in, he quickly figured that I needed a way out. His eyes caught mine and I silently pleaded for help. "I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner, Ron stopped me just as I was coming out the door. He had to tell me something pointless or other, but now that I'm here," he said, walking to me and putting an arm around my waiste, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, "I guess that we can go back inside. Did you get enough fresh air?" He looked at me for a brief moment, raising and eyebrow for me to play along. I snapped out of my surprise stupor and smiled.

"Yes, I did, thank you. Let's go back inside, I think I hear them playing our song." I replied, taking his hand in mine and beginning to walk. As I passed Draco, our eyes met briefly. Whatever was going through his mind wasn't visible in his gaze. He had already put up his wall. I merely let myself be pulled along by Seamus as I heard him and Pansy walking behind us. The rest of the night went fairly well, for the fact that I did nothing but let Seamus lead me around the dance floor as though I was in a daze. He didn't seem to mind. He didn't even ask what everything was about, making me appreciate him all the more. Though I would catch myself stealing glances at Draco every once in awhile. He would be dancing with Pansy, seeming to be having the time of his life, or sitting the corner talking to Blaise.

_Did you forget the magic?_

Whatever we had been is lost now. It was a secret from beginning to end, not even Harry and Ron knew. Though I'll never forget it. It was the happiest time of my life, even if it had to end so wretchedly.

_Did you forget the passion?_

His kisses had felt like fire, burning me with a warmth I can't imagine feeling again. His eyes looking into me, reading my soul like one of the many books I treasured. Every touch was gentle, needy, loving. Loving. _"I love you, Hermione, did you know that?" he whispered to me as he ran his left hand through my mess of curls. I smiled up at him, folding the page of the book I had been reading aloud. "I know. I love you too, Draco." he looked mildly surprised to hear that he could be loved in return. Then he smiled warmly. A smile that only I was priviledged enough to see before leaning close and kissing me. _Had he loved me?

_Oh, and did you ever miss me,_

It was so hard, not being able to hold him. To look at him like I used to. He had broken it off so suddenly. Without reason or provocation. He had just ended it. With that steely look in his eyes. The look that pushed me away, that told me that I wasn't welcome to see his thoughts. After what we had been through, I just told myself that it would all be okay. That what we had was only a fling. _No harm done..._but I wondered sometimes if he ever really meant it when he said, "I just can't do this anymore. I need a change, Granger."

_and long to kiss me?_

I wondered sometimes, before I fell into a restless sleep, plagued by nightmares, if he ever really meant anything he had ever said. If he ever thought about me like I still thought of him. If he ever wanted to hold me in the depth of night, hold me close and never let go, like he did back then. If he ever dreampt of my lips, my eyes, my laugh, my voice, my touch, the way I dreampt of his. Looking at him across the Great Hall, though, I saw no want or longing. Only the man I could never have again. The man who had abandoned me for reasons unknown, laughing with his friends, not thinking one thing about me or our encounter earlier in the evening.

The dance ended at midnight. The magic still seeming to cling in the air around those that had found love among the mistletoe, mist and entoxicating lights. Seamus walked me back to the Gryffindor Commonroom, Harry, Ginny, Ron and Lavender close behind. They were all talking, laughing, remembering what funny thing someone had said or how beautiful this Christmas tree was compared to that one. All of them oblivious to my silence, my empty core where my heart once lingered, my apathy as Seamus kissed my cheek sweetly and said his goodnights. No one noticed as I curled up in my bed, dress still clinging to every curve, pulled my curtains around my bed, and cried myself into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

She had looked so stunning tonight. I couldn't breathe when I turned my head and caught sight of her in the garden. I knew I had hurt her with my heartless words, tearing her apart for the sheer desperation to hide how I was truly feeling. Hiding my emotions at her heart's expense. When Finnigan had walked up, taken her in his arms, and planted a kiss on her delicate, beautiful cheek, I wanted nothing more than to kick his bloody ass. To see someone else merely TOUCH her was enough to send me spiraling into a rage. But, God, she looked so beautiful. Her brown curls flowing around her slender shoulders, the deep violet dress hugging her body, leaving nothing and everything to the imagination. I smiled to myself, knowing that I didn't have to use my imagination. I still dreampt of the night I had told her I loved her under the willow, her folding the page in the book she was reading, smiling back up at me. I was speechless to hear that she loved me in return. No one had ever loved me. Not like she had. I still dream of the way I had kissed her, laying her down beneath me, making love. I've had my share of girls in this school, but none of them meant anything, not compared to her. She was perfect. Beautiful, smart, kind. It was all so perfect. I had sat in the corner throughout most of the Ball, watching her dance circles with that damned bastard. His hand on the small of her back. Her head on her shoulder. When he kissed the top of her head lightly during a particular song, I could feel my heart stop. Break. The pain was more than anything I had ever felt before.

I walked Pansy to the Slytherin Girls Dormitory. She tried to kiss me, but I just couldn't. So she settled for a peck on the cheek and a simple goodnight before I turned and headed to my own room. No one was there yet, probably still snogging the hell out of their dates. I was relieved to see that even Blaise was gone, because he would easily see how much of a broken man I'd become in the few moments it took to loosen my tie and unbutton my shirt. As I slid the shirt off my shoulders I wondered if she ever dreampt of my lips, my eyes, my laugh, my voice, my touch, the way I dreampt of hers. The dreams I knew I'd be dreaming again tonight. It tore my heart in two, wondering if she'd be dreaming of someone else instead. As the shirt slid down my left arm, the Dark Mark could be easily seen, embedden into my flesh. Even that didn't hurt as much as telling her goodbye had. _But it was for the best,_ I reminded myself, crawling into my empty bed, pulling the curtains around and staring into the dark. I had to protect her. I had to keep her safe until the Order got their information. Until Voldemort had been taken care of. This was my mission, and I wouldn't let her be harmed in the process..._It was for the best. For her own good..._as I drifted to sleep, images of her began flooding into my mind, just like they did every night. The last thought being, _No harm done._

_  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all._

A/N so, tell me what you thought! I had a great time writing this, and I kinda wanted to cry around the time I got to the end of Draco's part. so please, review! I LOVE REVIEWS!!

Sailor Tin Foil


	2. The Hallway

_I woke up early this morning around 4am  
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate  
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep  
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake_

I woke up with a start, just as I did every night. I don't sleep anymore. I can't, and it's starting to tear at my nerves. I turned over, but I already knew it was useless. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to the same place it always did, even though it hurt like hell to do so.

He had looked sad today. He didn't walk with the same amount of arrogance that I was used to seeing. I wanted so badly to pull him aside, pull him into a hidden walkway, pull him close to me. At the thought, I wrapped my arms around my chest. It was starting to feel like an abyss, like something would always be missing from now on. He had ruined me, and I had no idea why. After a few months, you'd think that the pain would subside, that I would just let it go. _No harm done_. But that wasn't the case. Not since he'd been draping his arm around that cow Pansy.

_Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms  
I've been tryin' my best to get along  
But that's OK  
There's nothing left to say_

Did he even have the smallest inkling of what it did to me? Did he even care? Probably not. He hadn't been the man I thought him to be. No, he turned out to be the man I always knew he was. That was the worst part of it all.

After lying in bed for a few more hours, I finally decided that I had had enough. I got up just as the sun was peeking over the clouds, casting a red-tinted sunrise across the room. I put on a pair of knee socks and headed out the door. It wasn't hard to sneak out of the dorm, nor the common room. No one would be awake for at least two more hours.

I began to walk. I wasn't sure where, but I had an idea that I would end up in the library. The hallway wasn't as drafty as it had been a week or two ago, but I was still happy to have socks on. I ran a hand absentmindedly through my hair, and prayed that I wouldn't get caught just roaming the halls. I only had on a sweater and shorts. That would be embarrassing to say the least.

I had been walking for almost half an hour when I heard another set of footsteps. I froze in place, but didn't have enough time to hide before someone rounded the corner.  
"You there, who are you?"  
At his voice, my heart skipped a beat and almost stopped all together. Then the pain set in. I moved closer towards the window, into the early morning sunrise.

"Hermione…" it was a whisper, but I still heard it. The sadness in his voice. I refused to believe that I heard longing, I couldn't handle it if I had.

"Draco." I was short and curt. I didn't want to deal with this. I wanted to run. I needed to run. I was so stupid. Why had I left my bed?

"What are you doing here?" He stepped closer, but hesitated. I caught the way he set his jaw, relaxed his shoulders, and put himself into full Malfoy arrogance mode. This wasn't going to be easy.

"What does it matter to you, Malfoy?" I took a step back, I didn't want to be near him. I didn't want to feel the warmth radiating from him, catch the way he smelled, feel the urge to reach out and brush my fingers over his bare arm.

He was caught off guard by my response. I saw the way he blinked then stared. If it had been a few months earlier, I would have smiled. I would have thought it cute. Now I just found it revolting.

"It doesn't matter." With that he crossed his arms over his chest, and I decided I was done. It was awkward to see him, painful to talk to him.

"Guess not, goodbye Malfoy." And with that I turned to walk away. I got almost a whole two yards before I stopped. I turned around to face him, caught the hopeful glance on his face, the sadness in his eyes striking me again.

"This is yours," I said as I slipped the sweater off, tossing it in a heap at his feet, glad that I was wearing at least a tank top. He looked alarmed, even hurt almost. It stung my heart.

_Take your records, take your freedom  
Take your memories I don't need'em  
Take your space and take your reasons  
But you'll think of me_

"I gave it to you…"  
"And you can have it back. I don't need it. I don't want to think of you anymore."

With that I was gone.

_In fact I'll feel a whole lot better  
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me_

_I went out driving trying to clear my head  
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left_

I can't sleep anymore. Dammit I'm getting tired of this. I threw the sheets off the bed, pulled on a pair of socks and began heading out the door. The sun was just coming up, so I had no worries of being caught. Thinking of her was driving me insane. Seeing her in the hallway today was tough, just as it always was. The months between then and now had done nothing to set me right, to fix what I had done or make me feel better.

I had just hit the third floor landing when I heard another set of footsteps coming closer. _Well there goes that_, I thought to myself, fully expecting to run into Snape or another professor. When I turned the corner, though, I was surprised to see neither.

"You there, who are you?" I called out. The figure moved closer into the dim sunlight, and I felt the full weight of the last few months crash into my chest full speed.

"Hermione…" She looked so beautiful in the red light, and I was surprised and mildly pleased to see her wearing my sweater. More pleased than I should have been.

"Draco." Ouch. Her voice was sharp, leaving me breathless for a moment. I stepped closer, feeling the need to pull her to me and hold her. To tell her that the last few months had been a dream, that I was wrong. But I stopped myself. The Order was so close, I couldn't risk her life now, not when it's almost over.

"What are you doing here?" I set myself into protective mode. I had to man up and be an ass. I had to hurt her to save her, she had to hate me so that she could live, even if it was killing me inside.

"What does it matter to you, Malfoy?" I saw her take a step back, away from me. She wanted to be away from me. Even though I needed her to hate me now, it killed me to see that she really did. I had been harboring the hope that when this was all done, she may still love me. It was a slim chance, I knew, but I needed to believe it. But now I could see that she had no intention of being with me again. I had done my job better than I ever could have expected.

"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping that she took it as tough, arrogant, not my trying to hold myself together. Bloody hell, I was getting tired of this, tired of pretending.

_I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this  
And all the baggage that seems to still exist_

I saw it register in her eyes. I saw something pass there, a flicker of some emotion, and just like that, it died. It hit me then that I had really just ruined everything.

"Guess not, goodbye Malfoy." And with that she was walking away. I wanted to run after her, but I couldn't make my legs move. Suddenly, though, she stopped. I knew I should hide the hope in my face, but I couldn't. She turned around, and I knew she saw it. Maybe this was it? Maybe this was the turning point? We could still be together.

"This is yours."

She stripped the sweater off and threw it at my feet. With that my world was crushed. Yes, it had been the turning point, but not the one I had wanted. I couldn't help the words that came out of my mouth. I winced at them, they seemed so pathetic.

"I gave it to you…" I looked at her, but she gave nothing away.

"And you can have it back. I don't need it. I don't want to think of you anymore."

And with that she was gone. I reached down and picked up the crumpled sweater at my feet. I lifted it to my face and I could smell her. I shouldn't have done it, because it brought a tremor through my chest, threatening to tear me apart even more than I had already done.

_It seems the only blessing I have left to my name  
Is not knowing what we could have been  
What we should have been_

I pulled the sweater over my head, not really knowing what else to do with it. I turned to leave, but as I did I heard it, a faint sob coming from the opposite direction. It tugged at me, pulling me towards her, but I refused. I couldn't take it back.

_Take your records, take your freedom  
Take your memories I don't need'em  
Take your space and take your reasons  
But you'll think of me  
_________________________________________________________________________

Days past, and sleepless nights did too. I tried my hardest to just let it go. To just let him go. As I was walking with Harry and Ron through the corridor towards potions, I heard someone call my name. I turned around and smiled.

"Hey Seamus," I greeted him as he approached and fell into step with us. I saw the faint blush around his ears, and it made me giggle slightly.

"Hey, Mione!" He nodded to Harry and Ron, who smiled and nodded back. We walked a little further before stopping at the door to the dungeons.

"Ummm, Hermione…I was wondering if you'd like to go with me…to Hogsmeade this weekend? Like…well, like a date?" I smiled as he stammered over his words. He'd been a very good friend in the last few months, he hadn't told anyone what had happened the night of the Ball, out in the garden. I really appreciated him for that. I looked at him a little closer. He was taller now than he had been when we first met, had grown into himself and turned out rather attractive. No, I don't think I could ever love him, not the way I had loved Draco, but what could one date really hurt?

I heard footsteps coming from behind us, voices I recognized laughing and sneering. Draco…he and the Slytherins were getting close. Just as he rounded the corner towards the door I decided: I would move on with my life.

"I'd love to go with you, Seamus. I'll meet you by the Great Hall on Saturday around noon." I smiled at him, and stretched onto my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek.

With one final look in Malfoy's direction, I began walking into Potions, Harry, Ron and Seamus at my heels.

_Someday I'm gonna run across your mind  
Don't worry, I'll be fine  
I'm gonna be alright  
While you're sleeping with your pride  
Wishing I could hold you tight  
I'll be over you  
And on with my life_

__________________________________________________________________

What in the bloody hell was that? It took everything in my power to not run at that damned Finnigan and beat the living hell out of him. Watching him swoon over her, thinking that he could do as he pleases, I ought to teach him his bloody place!

Then it hit me…that was his place. It wasn't mine anymore, and she could be with whomever she wished now. I had ruined it, the chance of her waiting for me, so why wouldn't she move on? The thought knocked the air out of me, and I had to struggle to swallow the lump rising in my throat. I looked down, only to look back up and see her smiling at him, nodding and happily making plans. Then she leaned onto her toes and kissed him. Right there in front of me. For the whole world to see. That was worse than anything before now. Worse than actually telling her goodbye, than seeing her at the Ball, having her throw my sweater at me. All of that was nothing in comparison to this moment, when it hit me that I would never love another the way that I loved her, and I could never have her again. Not until this mission was over and done. Not until I found her, told her everything, and prayed that she would understand, maybe even take me back. The chances of her ever really taking me back, though, had just died. All my hopes had just died with the kiss planted on Seamus Finnigans cheek.

I heard the other Slytherins around me laughing and pointing. Teasing the two and I felt an elbow poke my side, someone wanting me to join in. I couldn't, but I tried my damndest to snicker and make the others believe. No one could know how I was feeling.

I composed myself and began heading towards the dungeon door. She turned and looked at me. No real emotion in her eyes, just a look that let me know everything I had feared. I sighed to myself, knowing I'd have to bide my time until the day I could tell her the truth.

_You're gonna think of me  
Oh someday baby, someday_


	3. The Gesture

I lay in the grass, weaving my fingers around the thin green blades. The wind blew tendrils of curls around my face, but I didn't sweep them away. I closed my eyes and listened to the water rippling on the lake, the tree branches swaying rhythmically in the breeze. I could smell the familiar earthy odor mixed with fresh flowers. It was spring. I lay there, alone, taking in the feeling of the sun against my cheeks.

"Hermione!"

Damn. I pushed myself as far as I could into the soil, flattening myself as much as possible. I wasn't ready to face this. I wasn't ready to let it all go so soon.

"HERMIONE!"

I could hear footsteps getting closer, padding lightly on the dry earth. It would only be a few more moments until they saw me behind the tree.

"There she is!"

The footsteps gained speed and soon there were shadows blocking out the sun. I opened one eye slowly, squinting in the light. Harry and Ron stood above me, hovering over me, smiling at me. I smiled back and pat the ground on either side of me. They plopped down and I sat up. We sat there in silence for a few moments. I rested my head on Harry's shoulder, and he laid his head on top of mine. I felt Ron lean against me, so I reached my hand out to cup his cheek.

We just sat there, taking in the sun and the last day we had together, just as we were, just as it had always been.

"You have to go in there, Mione. We all do." I sighed and looked at Harry. He smiled grimly back, and Ron huffed before getting up. We all stood, turning towards the school. Hogwarts. Our home for the last seven years. We had grown up here, loved, lost, seen the final battle right here on this lawn. Everything was different now, but we were still more afraid of what was yet to come.

I saw Ginny standing on the steps with Lavender and Seamus. She waved when we began to trudge back towards the school. I smiled, sad and happy at the same time.

"You guys ready?" she asked when we stood beside her. Every one of us nodded and she smiled back, reaching out to take hold of Harry's hand. We all walked through the grand wooden doors, making our way into the Great Hall. I dug my cap out of my robe pocket and secured it to my head. This was it.

"May I present Hogwart's graduating class!"

I walked beside Harry, Ron, Lavender and Seamus. We made our way with the rest of the seventh years towards the front of the hall. We took our seats. We waited.

McGonagal spoke first, in place of Dumbledore; though his portrait was hung behind her, as though he was never really gone. At the end of her speech, she raised a hand in my direction.  
"And now, Hermione Granger, Head Girl and Valedictorian, would like to say a few words."

I took a deep breath and stood, making my way with one backward glance to Harry and Ron. They smiled and waved me forward, encouraging me on. I looked towards everyone else. My fellow classmates, Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and finally Slytherins. He was sitting in the front row, Crabbe and Goyle flanking either side. He wouldn't look at me, and I was ok with that. I didn't expect him to acknowledge me at all today.

"I would just like to say a few words. Through the last seven years, this has been our home. Our school. We have grown here. We have loved, we have lost, we have fought, and we have won. Times have been hard, but times have been good, even amazing. I just…I just want to say thank you." I turned towards Dumbledore's portrait, smiling faintly, trying to hold back tears. He looked at me and winked, smiling all the while.

_There's no one in town I know  
You gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that.  
I thought I might get one more chance._

"So here's to us. We've made it this far, and we've still got so much left before us. To the graduating class!" everyone clapped, cheered and stood, the seventh years threw their hats into the air. All but one. Draco was still in his seat. He was actually looking at me. I stared back for a moment, gave him a courtesy smile and nod, trying to suppress the feelings that always rushed over me when I saw him. I couldn't deal with that today. Not today.

I walked the hallway alone, making my way back down the stairs after saying goodbye to the Gryffindor Common Room one last time. I could see the figures on the lawn, the families and friends. I could easily spot the large group of red heads, surrounding Ron and Harry. They were no doubt waiting for me. I should hurry.

I was close to the bottom step when I heard him.

"Hey…"

I looked down towards the landing, and there he stood, as if he had been waiting for me. He looked sad, even a little scared.

"Hey…" I wasn't sure what else to say. I hadn't spoken to him in almost a year. Not alone anyways. I had been surprised to find that he had traded sides last minute during the war, coming to fight alongside Hogwarts. That still didn't excuse him from previous cruelties, but it made me want to forgive him, just a little. Maybe if I forgave, I could forget.

He stood there awkwardly for a few moments, staring at the ground then back at me, as though he were searching for the right words to say. I took a good look at him, something I hadn't le myself do in a year. He was still as breathtakingly handsome as before, but there was an edge there now, something had hardened him to the world, and it was visible in his eyes. He had grown up so much in the last year, we all had, the war had affected everyone. I felt sorry for him sometimes, he had lost both his parents and his mentor in the same night, I sometimes wondered how he handled it.

"Hermione, I just…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of in the last few years. Terrible things. I've hurt a lot of people. And I'm sorry that I hurt you. That's the worst of it, the pain that I caused you. I don't know what else I can say or do in this moment to make you realize that you meant everything to me. There is so much I need to tell you, to explain. Please, give me a chance. Not today, today is meant to be spent with your friends and family. But possibly sometime soon?"

I stood there shocked. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, a ringing in my ears. _You meant everything to me_. The words played over and over in my head. I couldn't breathe, and it took everything in me look away from him. He had changed me. He had been what drove me on in the war, what I fought for. I had given up on our love, but I had never really given up on him. I knew that there was good in him somewhere. And that is what had driven me on. He had made me who I was. The strong, willful woman that I was.

But I didn't know if that was enough. I took the last few steps slowly, I looked at him, could see the fear and hope in his eyes. Could I crush him like he had crushed me? It would be so easy. So simple. Just a slap across the face, or maybe I could just not say anything at all. Just walk past him and out into the sun.

I thought these things, but they were too painful to actually, physically do. Instead, I reached my hand forward, skimming my fingers across his cheek. He closed his eyes and gasped slightly, it melted all of the anger in me.

"Next week. I'll owl you." The words were barely a whisper, and I wasn't sure he had heard them. He slowly opened his eyes, and smiled. It wasn't exactly happy, more relief than anything else. I nodded my head and dropped my hand. I turned away from him and walked out the door. Only when I knew he could not see me nor hear me did I finally let go. I walked through the lawn, in the sunshine filled with smiling faces and familiar voices, my eyes streaming with tears, my smile radiant. This could be the turning point.

_So what would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?_


End file.
